Career Tips - Issue # 17 (May 2005)

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What's Your Name?

She asked me, "What's your name?" and that led me to the following conversation with a lady during a get-together:

Me: Hi, I am Atul Mathur.
She: Hello! I am Lee Sew.

Me: What do you do, Lee Sew?
She: I am a teacher.

Me: So, Lee Sew, where do you teach?
She: I teach in a college.

She didn't know what I was thinking about when she was telling me about her profession. I was seeing a sewing machine in my imagination. Crazy? Not really!

Actually, I went to the get-together with the following plan:

1. First, when I meet a stranger, I would carefully listen to the name of that person.

2. Second, I would try to use that person's name two or three times during the conversation.

3. Third, I would try to imagine some object related to that person's name. The image of a sewing machine popped up in my head immediately when I heard the word "Sew."

4. Fourth, I would try to capture some unique, prominent feature of that stranger. In case of Lee Sew, it was her big, wide eyes.

Why must I meet people in such a bizarre manner? Actually, I was trying out something I recently learnt: How to remember names!

Our memory works well most of the time but sometimes it can let us down. Imagine getting introduced to someone at a party or in a meeting and then minutes later wondering about the person's name. Has it happened with you?

Not being able to remember names is not a disaster for any one's career or personal life. But if you can remember names after hearing them the first time, it can be beneficial in at least four ways:

First, you would avoid awkward situations such as when you get introduced to someone and before too long, you start thinking, "Should I ask his/her name again?"

Second, by remembering people's names you show them how much you care.

Third, by being able to remember names and not forget them, you gain confidence in your ability to remember things that matter to you.

Fourth, memory is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the better it gets!

>>CAREER TIP: Would you agree that the ability to remember names can be an interesting habit to cultivate? If yes, remember the following four steps and you will not have much problem in remembering names of strangers from now on:

1. Pay attention when someone introduces himself/herself. Often, we forget a name not because it slips away from the memory but because it never gets in there.

If you come across some really difficult names in an unfamiliar language, never hesitate to ask the name again, its pronunciation and even its origin.

2. After you hear the name, use it during the conversation couple of times (don't over do it, however). This helps to register it in the memory.

3. Since our mind works better in terms of pictures, associate the name with some related object. Mr. Whitehead can be associated with a white egg. Ramesh can be associated with a mesh. And Atul can be associated with a tool.

4. Next, try to capture some prominent feature of that person. It can be his long nose or round face or big ears or mole or some such thing. Look at the cartoons of public figures in newspapers and magazines and you would realise how each person has some unique feature about him/her.

The net result of applying the above procedure when meeting a stranger would be that when you meet the same person next time (even months/years later), your memory will automatically cough up his/her name. And that will be a pleasant surprise for that person and a great feeling for you!

Do it consciously couple of times, and, after a while, you won't have to even think about doing it. Pretty soon, you won't be asking "What's your name?" more than once.

Swinging the Pendulum

A lady recently contacted me for advice on how to handle her boss whom she described as very demanding, impatient and hot tempered. I gave her some advice, but sadly, before she could implement it, it was all over. She resigned without having an alternative job and is now facing a new problem: Joblessness.

The episode looks normal. After all, people do leave jobs due to problems ranging from lack of recognition, stagnation and job dissatisfaction to difficult boss and stress.

But, should you make a career move just for avoiding a particular problem? Is avoiding a problem a worthy goal or career objective?

To answer the above questions, take your pick from the following pairs of choices:

Would you prefer absence of a difficult-to-deal-with boss or presence of a great, supportive boss?

Would you prefer absence of sickness or presence of vibrant health and vitality?

Would you prefer absence of poverty or presence of abundance and wealth?

Would you prefer absence of stress or presence of peaceful, enjoyable and encouraging working environment?

You might realise that absence of something that you don't want or don't like not necessarily means presence of something that you want. Every issue is like a pendulum. On one extreme is the problem that we want to get rid of (sickness) and on the other extreme is the real thing that we would love to have (vibrant health and vitality) and in the middle is the neutral ground (where there is no problem).

Do you agree that absence of a problem doesn't swing the pendulum to the other extreme? It merely leaves you in the middle ground. Indeed, absence of a devil doesn't mean presence of an angel!

>>CAREER TIP: Problems are a part of life. We may create them or they may be created by some other forces.

More often than not, we get into the trap of believing that what we really want is the absence of a problem. Consequently, we make all out efforts to solve them (or eliminate them somehow) but the best we achieve is the middle ground. Moreover, same problems either resurface again after some time or give birth to new problems. And we get into a vicious cycle of solving a problem, creating a new one and then working again to solve it. As a result, our career becomes nothing but a series of problem avoiding moves.

What we need is a shift of focus from "what we don't want" to "what we really want."

Think about all your problems: stress, stagnation, lack of fulfilment, difficult boss, etc. And then think what would be their other extremes. That's what you really want!

So if your problem is stress, focus not at the elimination of stress but rather at creation of a peaceful, enjoyable and encouraging working environment. If your problem is dealing with a difficult boss, aim not at somehow eliminating that boss from your career/life but rather at having a boss who is supportive of you and is a great mentor.

Yes, aim not just to swing the pendulum from "problem extreme" to the middle ground but rather swing it to the other extreme-the real thing you want. You will find it is much more energising and rewarding to work towards something that we really want than at something that we don't want.

Will be back after two weeks.

Atul Mathur

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***Copyright 2005 Atul Mathur***

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